Parental Alienation

Here is the definition of parental alienation: -

Parental alienation occurs when one parent manipulates a child to reject the other parent, often leading to emotional distress for the child and strained family relationships.

Definition and Overview

Parental alienation is a process where one parent (the alienating parent) uses various strategies to distance a child from the other parent (the alienated parent). This often happens during high-conflict situations such as divorce or custody battles. The alienating parent may convey exaggerated or false information about the other parent, leading the child to develop negative feelings or even hostility towards them.

Signs of Parental Alienation

Some common signs that a child may be experiencing parental alienation include:

• Unjust Criticism: The child may express severe and unfounded criticism of the alienated parent, often mirroring the alienating parent's negative comments.

  
  

• Lack of Mixed Feelings: The child shows no positive feelings towards the alienated parent, viewing them solely in a negative light.

  
  

• Resistance to Contact: The child may refuse to spend time with the alienated parent, often without justifiable reasons.

This is what I am being faced with. My children want to live with their Dad. They sometimes want to see me; sometimes they don't. They say they don't want to see me if it means they have to see my fiancé, as, over the last few months (even though they haven't seen him since Christmas), they have decided that they hate him. I am due to have a baby any day now, and they don't even seem like they are going to want to meet it. They have already told me they won't be coming to our wedding. However, this is what they say when we are on the phone (always on loudspeaker, never a private conversation, despite him being told multiple times to allow me to speak to them without being on loudspeaker, they are too young for their own phones, so I have to call him). When I see them in person, they are loving and clingy and don't mention any of the negatives they do on the phone. However, the time I see them each week is two and a half hours at my parents' house.

Do the children know they have been turned against me? Do they know that the way they are feeling towards me isn't because of anything I have done to them, and is, in fact, what they are made to feel based on what Dad is telling them? Things such as "when the baby is born, your mum won't? If you are here with me, I want to know you anyway". "Your mum is choosing her fiancé over you". "Why do you want to go there anyway when you never do anything interesting? If you are here with me, we will do ........ (anything fun that will convince them to stay with him).

The courts were not interested in my comments on abuse in the relationship, which I had mentioned multiple times before. Authorities seem to believe everything that their Dad says. I am made to look like the shitty parent. I'm the one who has 'given up' on my children. The story is spun that way because I have a new fiancé and a new baby coming, so I have a new family; why would I want my old one? I hope that the children know that this isn't true. I am writing them a diary each. For when they are older and hopefully realise what a true asshole their Dad is. And if he reads this, I don't care that he knows I am writing all of this down for them. Even if they don't read it until they are 30 years old, 40 even, I will not take the blame for what our lives have become. I have done everything that has been asked of me, I have tried to do what I feel is in the children's best interest. But sometimes, there is no point in fighting; you cannot fight your ex, courts and social services (all of which have been useless for me). I have spent an obscene amount of money on solicitors' fees over the last few years and gotten nowhere, so I have agreed for them to live with their Dad. But in no way have I given up. I have just opened my eyes to the fact that they have been manipulated so much by their Dad I will never win. So they will have to figure him out for themselves. I will always be here for my children. I miss them every day. I love them always. But I cannot play a game with him, fighting over who they believe, because it will always be him, after all, I know how convincing he can be, he convinced me of enough bullshit and lies.

If you are in a similar boat to me, sometimes letting them go is the best way forward and your only real shot at getting them back one day. It hurts, more than any other pain I have ever felt, including childbirth, to have your own flesh and blood reject you. But then he knows it is love that I crave. I am a needy person, but I shouldn't have to beg for my children's love. So I will wait until they realise the true person that their Dad is. Until then I will love them from afar, be there if and when they need me. And hope that one day, a day not so far away, they come home.